I COULD FAKE PICASSO'S

Well for those of yous that didn't know. I haven't been home to see my mom since I've been back from Iraq. So its been almost a 1 1/2 years since I've been home. Yeah that doesn't look right to me either. Anyways, she had no clue I was coming home. I surprised her in case you couldn't tell. Plane ticket home, $300, Rental Car $100, the looks on there face when they opened the door priceless. On the way home I called her to tell her I could fake Picasso's. She didn't know what I was talking about until she opened the door, and saw me standing there. This was the first time coming back to Virginia I actually looked forward to coming home. As you've read in my previous blog, growing up here you want to get out so bad. 5 years ago I left and never turned back for a second look. Well now its time to get back to my roots. This doesn't mean I'm going to move back to Virginia. But its nice to come back and see how far you've grown. To see how much my life has changed is mind boggling. Annndd Virginia is pretty easy on the eyes. I do kind of miss the country life a little. I still miss So*Cal, but this is more than enough for me now. Well I'm going to cut this one short for now guys. I have some celebrating to go do. There is more to come soon. Not another pink eye story, but something good. I hate to burst your bubble, but sorry to say I don't have any stories with midgets. But there is still time for that. Well I'm gonna go pick up my best friend, and get super faded. Not only that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna spend half the night making prison jokes. See cause he went to jail. Thats another funny story. Later guys have a good friday night. I know I am. CELEBRATION BITCHES!!!

How I almost got pink eye...

This is an interesting story....The story takes place in Yuma, Arizona in the summer of 2008. While I was still in the Marine Corps of course. So there is this thing called WTI, or Weapons Tactics Course. Its an event where every airwing unit in the Marines send students to be qualified instructors for desert warfare, and weapons training. Well of course they have to send Aircraft maintainers to fix the broke ass aircraft. You work 12 hours on 12 hours off for 2 months. Its not as bad as it sounds I promise. Well if any of you have ever been to Yuma, you know its pretty boring. Even though they do have a casino, and a Buffalo Wild Wings. Well to say the least us Marines don't do alot of work. They always send to many people there, and trust me there ain't a lot of work at all.... So that being said what do we do in our off time. We fucking drink.....we drink A LOT! There are bars open 24 hours 7 days a week. Its almost scary, but who cares right. Well there is this strip club, and for the record I fucking hate strip clubs. Mostly because I hate getting conned by pussy.Guys know exactly what I'm talking about. The big tease of big tittied girls in your face, fuck strippers. Well anyways, this one fine establishment is called Platinums. Its an okay strip club, whatever looking strippers, and its to dark in the club to see how dirty it is. Well they have these special two days of the week called coin night. On coin night you pay ten bucks to get in, and any drink for a silver coin. You can get 4 Long Islands for 4 nickels if you wanted. HAHA I know it sound great huh? Well it is, as long as you go with the intentions of just getting fucked up. So finally to start the story, one of my Marines that used to work for me when I was stationed in Japan came out to WTI in Arizona. Well he got promoted while we were there, so we decided to go to coin night to celebrate. Well of course this was a great idea. So we pile into a taxi and take of with dreams of getting hammered and seeing some titties. Great idea on a tuesday night if I don't say so myself. Well within 45 minutes of being there I had already pounded down 9 Long Islands. I know the start of a great night right. Well I get super hammered within an hour and half. I have this rule were I don't pay for lap dances. Its just a rule of mine because I know when I'm drunk I'll spend way to much money on strippers. Especially when there is no result of getting laid at the end of the night. Anyways my boys buy me a lap dance, and she is fine. Atleast I was so drunk I didn't realize she was ugly. haha Well like a Ra-Tard I decided I was going to speak with an auzzy accent to the nice strippeer with her titts in my face. Even though I know she knows I'm a drunk ass Marine. I get the typical lines out of her, you know I'm saving money to go to nursing school blah blah blah. She had some great titts thats all I really cared about at the time. So she finishes up tries to get me to buy another dance. And in the up most polite way possible I respond with, " FUCK NO!" So I go to sit next to this little small side stage off set from the big stage. This girl started stripping, and she looked good. and not the I'm drunk looked good. The real looked good like she would look fuckin bangin if I wasn't wasted. She was white, 5'5 about a 125 pounds....naked. She had a great pair of titts, perfect bubble butt that you don't commonly see on a white girl.  She had brunet hair, with green eyes, sexy smile, nice full lips. For some reason she reminded me of a sexy suicide girl. She just had the look if you know what I mean guys. Well I'm sitting right next to the stage staring at her while she was stripping. Then we made eye contact, she swung around the pole biting her lip. She did the works split, ass clapping, pussy popping the works. Then when she had me full mast she crawls closer to me. Backs up with hair hands on the stage. In push up possesion she puts her knees on my shoulder. She lifts up her G-string with her beautiful vagina exposed right up in my grille. Let me tell you what fellas she was my cryptonite.  Well instead of putting a dollar in her G- string my smartass makes a choice. I focused....and took a deep breathe and I blew right into her asshole. It was so great. She jumped, and turned around with her knees still on my shoulders with the O face. The only thing I could think to do was shrug my shoulders. She climbed back onto the stage. I gave her 5 bucks, and for the rest of her time on stage she just smurked everytime she swung around on the pole. Well what I didn't realize was I had an audience. Lets just say I was what people where talking about in the smoke pit the next 2 days. Every time someone came up to me and ask me what made me do it. The only thing I could think to say was. " Thats how you get pink eye" Good answer huh? Well thats the story about how I almost got pink eye. Sucks that had the hangover from hell the next day at work...Hope you enjoyed 

Rambo is the shit.

So I personally think the First Blood movies were great. You learn to appreciate the movie as time goes on. Don't knock it until you watch it. Look on the T.V. Guide and check to see when its coming on again. They picked the perfect actor to play John J. Rambo. Sly as we all know isn't the greatest actor, I mean come on. That's what was perfect about Rambo, he didn't need much dialect at all. Come on look at Rock?? Need I say more? Sly does have one thing going for him. He has that killer hard ass look. Seriously pay attention next time you watch either of the First Blood movies. I'm telling you guys next time I have a movie night with a girl. We're watching First Blood part II. The perfect action movie, with a little romance in it. And the romance is tolerable for guys, because the chick dies. You never have enough time to even feel sad, because before you know it Rambo is fucking shit up again. Its also kind of a sad story, because part of it is true. The story of a Vietnam Veteran that was never understood, and picked on by society. Picked on because he was different, challenged, and in a cast out group. Rambo represented those vets that lost there friends, and were tormented by it. With all that going on, he still manages to single handedly destroy the Soviet Union. Okay maybe not, but he fucked up some shit. Thats good enough for me.

Ackward...

So as you should know by now I just got out of the Marines. I moved in with my dad on the 1 of June. I really didn't want to, but I kinda had to. So what 20 something year old doesn't want to move back with his dad, and step mom. I love my dad to death, but it kind sucks. Just because I'm actually a considerate person. It sucks because I'm a grown ass man living with his dad. Yeah they say I can come and go as I please, but you know the truth. I'm gonna get nagged on for alot of shit. It's not bad now, but it's coming. I knew what the deal was when my dad told me if I got drunk to go get a fucking hotel room for the night. Really??? What parent doesn't want to see there only son come back hammered off his ass. Blowing chunks in there toilet. Ohh and mind you they are bible thumpers. And need I remind you that I just got out of the Marine Corps. An organiztion devoted to getting hammered. For crying out loud the Marines started in a bar... Well thats all for now. Still not sleeping right either. Fuck don't you hate when that happens. Well until next time.

My mother gave it to me. Now I'm just living it

So this is my first ever blogg entry. Hurrah right.....not really. I feel kind of weird doing it, but then I just said fuck it. So I'm gonna talk about life...my life. Well first off I'm from a small town in Virginia. The type of town growing up that anyone you asked had dreams of making it out. Since I could remember I wanted to be in the military. I can't explain it, but I knew somehow I was meant to serve for a purpose. I saw the military as the way for me to do that. More as a protector or something like that. Well going through school I was kind of weird. See my dad is hispanic and my mom is black. So I never really fit in with the brothers that I lived near. So most of my friends were white. That being said I really never fit into a specific click. That was clue to me growing up that I wasn't going to live a compeletly normal life. In high school I stopped hangin around my hoolgan friends and hangin out with the JROTC rats. I threw myself into it. Knowing that one day I would join the Army. Freshman, and most of my Sophmore year I spent doing the nerdy DrillTeam thing. You guys know what I'm talking about. Well anyways it seemed kind of week to me. Like it wasn't much of a challenge. So after the embarassment I called my Junior Varsity football career. I thought I would never quit again, and try out for the wrestling team. So I went for it, wrestled. It was the hardest thing physically and mentally I've ever done in my life. Wrestling turned me into a man...almost. Well I wasn't very physically fit growing up, and wrestling became addicting. Pushing my body past limits I didn't know it even had. I started lifting weights, but didn't really do alot of running . Anyways I was kinda good, but not good enough. I wrestled varsity for 2 years and that was it. My senior year I went back to drillteam because I was scared. I'll giving up on it senior year. So I moved on to the next thing. I moved on to the challenge of wanting to be a Marine. I had planned on going to college on an ROTC scholarship. I fucked up in school, and didn't do good enough to get a scholarship. So I decided I was gonna go in the Marines. The recruiter(who I won't name. Who ended up screwing me.) had been busting my balls about it from the time I was a sophmore. I decided over the summer break of 2004 I was gonna enlist as soon as I turned 17. Well that took the signature of both my parents to do. My mom was supportive of me. I can remember she told me " You don't have any kids, you've never been arrested, and your a good youngman. I don't care what you do, as long as your happy." My dad on the other hand was disappointed, and cried when I told him I didn't want to go to college. His signature was harder to get. The condition was I had to go into the Air Wing. He was getting his AMP license, and wanted me to follow his foot steps a litte. So I signed up to be a F-18 mechanic. This is were the recruiter fucked me. He told me I would get the job I wanted. He said he had pulled the job from another distract for me. What I didn't know is that I signed up as a general mechanic. Which meant what over spot that need to be field in a specific field would get filled. So I ended up as a Parachute Rigger. Didn't even know the job existed before they told me that was what I was going to be. Well 5 years later. I just got offically realeased last friday. It feels pretty great right now. Like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Well the next blog I'll do my Marine Corps career. It's going to be a crazy ass story. That's what I'll do every blogg . Just tell a crazy story of my life.



Latas guys,

ChrisPy